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Fired Over Butter Chicken

Anything can be an addiction. Your skin itches, your head pounds, your back sweats. Then BOOM, the first, seductive taste rolls over you and you can’t quite hold back the groan of pleasure that leaks from your now-smiling lips. Heroin, crack, meth, sex, butter chicken—all of it can seduce you, pleasure you, and turn on you like a rabid dog.

I was 30 years old when I found my butter chicken. She had a sweet, caramel complexion, smelled exotic, and had the nicest set of breasts you can imagine. Most importantly, she was a cheap date; $8.42 would get you everything she could offer—even the basmati rice she was sitting on.

Things started innocently. A co-worker introduced us, and we became fast friends. Then I wanted more. I should have known that she was no good for me; my heart leapt in my chest every time I saw her, and my stomach flip-flopped every time I had to leave. But I just couldn’t stop myself—I kept going back.

Soon, the relationship began to interfere with my work. I’d be day-dreaming about her while I was supposed to be writing reports, and I found myself taking longer and longer lunch hours just to be with her for a few extra, precious minutes. She was all-consuming, and consumed.

Somewhere in the blissful third month, my boss called me into his office. I was a mess, he said, unprofessional, unmotivated, and I had food stains on my shirt. I was a disgrace.

He fired me.

She stayed with me, for a while, and I thought I’d found a companion that would stick with me through thick, thin, or spicy. Then one day, when my money had run out, she was gone. I was left with nothing, and no one, ruing the day I ever met…Butter Chicken.

Still need a laugh? Why not check out some of the other articles from Laugh at the World?

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