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The Consultant



The consultant. Everyone’s got one, and the government has a million of them. The consultant is well dressed and put together: expensive suits, well-polished shoes, and an Italian leather briefcase are a must. Dark wavy hair and a twinkle in his eye, the consultant charms all of the executives..and does all of the secretaries.

With a lusty wink, he can charm the private internet password out of the lead admin and just as quickly have her bent over the boss’ desk when he’s off on holiday. Older, crustier admin at the head of the pack? No problem; he’s jumped on those grenades before.

It’s as much his deep, sonorous voice as his history that brings in the clients, and no one worries about sense as he seduces them with bureaucratic poems, promoting synergies, scalability, and adaptable organizations. “Shall I compare thee to an adaptive, mutable interface with sufficient capacity to fulfill your mandate, when applying external scalable resources?”

With a swirl of snowy air through a jet engine, the consultant is gone, with only his ongoing invoices, documents, and venereal diseases to show he was ever there.



Still need a laugh? Why not check out some of the past articles from Laugh at the World?

So You Want to Be a Manager? So You Want to Be a Manager? Chapter 2 So You Want to Be a Manager? Chapter 3: If You Build It, They Will Come So You Want to Be a Manager?  Chapter 4: Arbitrarialityism The Bureaucrat